Can I Be Close To You?
by opalheart12
Summary: Abbie's trauma from her time in the catacombs has caused a divide between her and Crane, until it finally catches up with her. Can Crane get through to her when he believes he could lose her to herself? One-shot.
**_A/N: I was inspired to write this while listening to Kettering by The Antlers and Bloom by The Paper Kites. Hope you enjoy! I own nothing. Onward._**

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 _ **In the morning when I wake and the sun is coming through, oh you fill my lungs with sweetness and you fill my head with you.**_

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Crane had never seen her this way, withdrawn and desiring no other company but her own. Some days it felt like he didn't exist to her anymore. He tried to quell the feelings of sadness and longing he felt. They lived in the same home, but they may as well have lived on two different continents.

When they were home together she locked herself in her room and ignored his pleas that she eat, that she shower, that she just come out and talk to him. Jenny did what she could when she was around but otherwise Abigail Mills was secluded from the rest of the world.

Ichabod Alexander Crane had experienced many terrifying moments during his life, moments he believed he would never survive, but none of those moments came close to what he experienced on Friday night at 8:30pm.

He was in the kitchen, making dinner and putting it into containers for the refrigerator in case Abbie decided to eat. He had just finished packing the last container and was washing dishes when he heard a loud thud from the room above him: Abbie's room.

He moved in an instant, the dish towel on his shoulder falling into the dish water. He took the stairs two at a time and came to her door. It was locked.

"Lieutenant?" he called cautiously as he knocked on the door. He received no response and pressed his ear against the door as he called out for her again. "Are you alright? Please open the door!"

Something in his body, his soul felt wrong. Abbie was in danger.

Crane kicked in the door and noticed that the door to Abbie's bathroom was open, steam flowing out and making the whole room humid. He could hear the shower running, but it did not sound like anyone was standing under it.

"Miss Mills. I know you're in the shower, but please tell me you are alright." Crane said, his voice raised to practically yelling over the sound of the shower running. He received absolutely no response and he felt a sense of dread within him as he got closer to the bathroom.

It was when he entered the bathroom that the most terrifying moment in all of his life began. He would never forget the way the dread in his stomach solidified, the way his breathing seemed to slow as he held his breath, the way his mouth suddenly went dry.

On the floor from the shower was Abbie's arm. He crept forward slowly before pulling back the curtain and seeing that Abbie had indeed fallen. The hot water created a thick steam that was beginning to be difficult to see through.

Her body had never seemed so lifeless. There was a small trail of blood coming from her head and going down the drain. Crane felt the blood leave his face and panic enter.

He pulled her out of the shower and into his arms, not caring for a moment that he was now soaked or that Abbie herself was naked.

"Lieutenant, please wake up!" He shook her slightly and she made no sound or movement. It was futile. He needed to call an ambulance. He did not know if he could ever forgive himself if she died, if he lost her for good.

"Luckily, there was no serious damage, only a concussion. She passed out from exhaustion."

Crane nodded numbly as the doctor spoke to he and Jenny. Jenny seemed to be paying more attention to the doctor than he was. He was too busy looking at Abbie who was still unconscious in the hospital bed. An IV was running from her arms and the tabs on her chest were connected to a machine that monitored her heartbeat.

Her usually curly hair was dull and lifeless. Even asleep, there were bags under her eyes. She had gotten a little skinnier than Jenny and Crane remembered. She was a shell of who she'd been before.

The trauma of her time in the catacombs was finally catching up to her.

The doctor gave Jenny more information and promised to start working on Abbie's medicines. They would keep her overnight for observation with the hope that she could be released the following day.

Jenny kissed her sister on her cheek and hugged her tightly, telling her she loved her and she would be back later. "You aren't alone, Abbie. I promise. Crane will be here when you wake up."

The room was quiet save for the machines, but Crane was thoroughly uncomfortable. The room was too cold and the air too sterile. He wanted to be back home with Abbie.

He pulled the armchair as close to Abbie's bed as possible and reached out to snake his hand through her lifeless one.

"I would very much appreciate it if you woke up soon, Lieutenant," Crane said, his voice beginning to crack as he imagined for a moment that she wouldn't. "I cannot do this alone. Jenny, Sophia, and Mr. Corbin are there but you...I cannot do this without you. Even now my spirit is unsettled knowing that you are not fully yourself."

His voice seemed to echo through the room and he hated it. He held her hand as tight as he could, continued to tell her that everything would be okay, until he fell asleep in that chair, neck and backaches be damned.

It was at 3:02am that Abbie woke up. Her head hurt quite a bit and her mouth felt too dry. Her eyes felt like they'd been forced shut with sandbags. She could feel pressure on her right band and looked down to see Crane's hand tightly holding her own.

Tears sprung to her eyes in shame and her left hand immediately covered her mouth. He was sleeping, but it didn't appear very restful, for even in sleep he appeared worried. She let a sob escape from her mouth as she turned her head away. He woke up just then at the strange sound.

"You're awake," he breathed. "Oh, thank God." And he meant it. As Witnesses, they never had the best luck when it came to near death experiences. It would've been just their luck of Abbie had been forced into unconsciousness by some spell from Pandora.

She turned her head slightly and her tears came in earnest. He looked alarmed as he stood and pulled her into his arms. There was enough room for him to climb in next to her and he held her as she cried.

"I'm so sorry, Crane." She sobbed and repeated. It wasn't silent crying. It was loud. It was ugly. It was truly genuine.

Abbie had never been more ashamed. She'd let herself get this bad. She had barely been eating. She couldn't remember the last time she'd even slept. She'd shut herself off from Crane, desiring the solitude she'd grown so accustomed to during her time in the catacombs. She thought that Crane would never understand what it was like to feel like no one would be coming to rescue her, to feel as if she would truly be there for all eternity. The lack of sleeping or eating had seemed normal to her. Hearing Crane beg her to eat or shower or talk to him seemed like distant figments of her imagination, just as he had been during her time away.

"You need not apologize, Lieutenant. The fault is mine for-"

"Please, stop. I treated you like shit when I got back. You were trying to help me, trying to understand and I shut you out. I let myself get this bad."

Crane was quiet as Abbie talked. For the moment, nothing he said would make a difference. He needed for her to get out everything she'd been feeling. It needed to leave her body so that the weight could be gone from her shoulders.

"I hadn't been sleeping, Crane. I couldn't. I mean, when I was...over there...I didn't need to sleep or eat. Maybe that was apart of the punishment. It didn't feel natural to do those things. I was used to being alone and I thought for a while that I had imagined you."

He held her tightly and kissed her forehead. "You are here now, Abbie. You are not alone, not anymore. Unless circumstances beyond my control say otherwise, I shall not leave your side. You need not hesitate to ask me for anything. Besides, I could not dream of denying you anything you desired."

Her crying had quieted. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd cried like this. "You don't need to do that, Crane. You have your own life, too, you know?"

She felt him sigh and it sounded like one of near exasperation. "I do, but it isn't much of one if you are not in it, Lieutenant."

Abbie felt her heart skip a beat and she looked up at Crane curiously, wondering if the meaning behind what he said would be made clear. "What-"

"My heart is yours, Abigail. It has been for some time, though I tried to ignore that feeling. I was afraid of what it might mean, afraid you would not want me if you knew the truth. But finding you the way you were in that shower….I knew I could not possibly allow another day to go by where you did not know that."

Instead of pain now, Abbie felt only a wonderful blooming feeling in her chest. The tears came again and a worried look crossed Crane's face. "I shouldn't have-"

"No," Abbie stopped him. "You didn't do anything wrong, Crane. I'm just...I thought I wouldn't remember what it felt like to be happy again."

Neither of them could say anything more. They held each other and slept. For Abbie, it was the best sleep she'd gotten in awhile. For Crane, it was the first time he'd slept without worry since before Abbie left.

The sun forced its way through the blinds, casting its golden morning glow across the two. A nurse peeked in on Abbie to check on her and checked her as quietly as she could, not having the heart to disturb the two. Jenny arrived at 8:09am and when she saw the two holding each other through sleep, she made herself comfortable on the window bench in the corner of the hospital room, an unmistakably satisfied smile on her face.

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 ** _A/N: Hope you guys liked this as much as I loved writing it!_**


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